I really wanted to get a wooden back. Lauren even thought it would be cool, so I looked for a place that I could order one. Unfortunately, the one place I found a nice walnut back didn’t ship to our zip-code (I know, what’s up with that?).

I did find a nice one for $16.38. It took all of three days to make it to our zip-code. It came with instructions and a screwdriver. It was easy to take the back off, and I looked around a bit.

But what is that stuff around the camera?

This calls for a closer look. Note: this is the first time that I have been glad that Lauren likes to have a microscope around the house.

There were lots of little hairs, and they were only present around the camera assembly. I wondered for a bit if they were Steve Jobs’ hairs that were put into iPhones so that he could one day be cloned, but decided they were not quite the right color.

So I got out a little brush and a tweezer and began the removal process.

Once the hair was removed, it was quite easy to put the new back on.

Tomorrow I’ll be convincing 7th graders that I’m testing a prototype for the new iPhone5 for Apple.

“Don’t throw away the stem of a head of broccoli – Peel the stems, slice them up into thin rounds, put them in a jar, put a half teaspoon of salt in that jar, shake it, put it in the refrigerator overnight, and then it will draw off the water. Pour that out and toss it with garlic, olive oil, and vinegar, and you’ve got a marinated broccoli stem or pickle that is so good… Everybody loves it.”

See? Don’t you feel like a thrifty genius just reading that? A delicious pickle out of something most people throw away? I am just clever enough to do it!

I was at Beth’s house and she had out broccoli florets and I asked if she still had the stem. She said it was in the trash.

Oh, yes I did.

Relax. She still had it in the original bag – so it was cleaner than anything in my refrigerator.

I made it using rice wine vinegar because that’s what I had, and I have to say – I like it.

I googled the recipe for amounts: (1 minced clove, 1 T vinegar, 2 T oil) but it said to let it sit in the garlic/oil/vinegar for several hours. Since mine was in the fridge all day the oil got a little thick. That part was kind of ‘bleh’, but the flavor was good.

So: next time I go through Beth’s garbage, I’ll tweak the recipe and use less oil.

Lloyd:”*cough* *cough* There’s a truck *cough* on the highway *cough* that’s selling peaches and *cough*”

Lauren: “I got it. You want peaches.”

I drove quickly because it was almost 6 and I didn’t know if the peach guy would close up shop or not. He was open, and I had 4 dollars, expecting to be able to buy a handful of fruit.

Peach Guy: “I don’t split up boxes. I can let you have this one for 20 bucks.”

20 bucks!!! Grrrrr….. I broke into my emergency money and bought the box, grumbling the whole way home that I had just bought a box of work. Lloyd likes fruit, but he couldn’t eat all this before it went bad.

So, on Sunday afternoon I made peach puree. The goal is to eventually turn it all into fruit leather, but I won’t show you those pictures until I figure out if I’m doing it right. Here’s my day in photos:

Cut ‘em all the way around criss-cross-like and dunk them in boiling water for as long as it takes you to whistly your ABC’s in a jaunty style. If you get tired of that one, try Twinkle Twinkle or Baa Baa Black Sheep. Take them out and the skin just slips right off.

Then just smush ‘em off the pit.

Add some water, some sugar and a slug of lemon juice. Start cooking and start smashin’. Admit that you really don’t know what you’re doing.

Get out the immersion blender. Sniff it to make sure it doesn’t smell like curried peas, since that’s all you ever use it for.

I poured five trays of fruit leather, three ice cube trays, then a mini-muffin tin for peach ice cubes. I figure these will be good to throw in a glass of orange juice.

I made the first pot and realized I’d have to make another. I grumbled about how many peaches there were, and Sickie said, “Could we use them for pie?”

I had no idea he liked peach pie. So, I cut up some for a pie.

This was even more fun than the first kind of cut. I cut each peach into eight wedges (four times around), dunked it in the boiling water, slipped off the peel, then cut it around the middle.

It was like taking apart a Rubik’s cube! (That’s how I used to solve it. I may not be smart, but I can demolish stuff and re-assemble with a minimal amount of damage.)

So: after all that (2 1/2 pots’ worth), now there is this giant tub of peach puree waiting its turn in either the freezer or the dehydrator, and there is still a giant bowl of peaches for Lloyd to eat. I can’t tell if the 20 bucks was a bargain or not.

So, if you’re like me and all your shirts come from Target, they are all made mostly of cotton. If you’re like me and obsessively hang up your shirts to dry when still damp, you won’t often have wrinkled shirts. However, once in a while something happens, and there are wrinkles. Drat you, wrinkles.

Hanging stuff up in a bathroom with a steamy shower has never worked for me. (I think because my technique is wrong.) I remembered seeing a commercial along time ago for Downy wrinkle releaser, and thinking that that was a lot of money to pay for a bottle of lazy.

Hmmmm… wouldn’t just plain water work? Water is free, y’know. Steam is made of water, and all those people swear by that.

Well, yes it does! Grab yourself a spray bottle, spritz, snap, done! (You might have to spritz twice, but it’s still faster than getting out the iron. Or taking a shower.)

I have no idea if it works with non-Target shirts, but I would assume it would.

I wanted to show you the super-expensive, uber-technical tripod that I used for this series, but some goofy-haired doofus walked into my shot.

I broke my sunglasses over the weekend. It was tragic. No, wait, it wasn’t. They were cheap, and they were starting to get a little worn out in the cheap way that cheap lenses do.

I went to Scheels because It was right by where Lauren wanted to go, but first all I could find were the Oaklies (whatever) and the Ray Bans, and I’m not a $140 sunglasses type of guy.

Then I found the cheap glasses.

Then I found the fisherman glasses.

Then I found the biker glasses.

It was cheap glasses vs. biker glasses. I found a sunny spot in the store and tried on a lot of glasses. My criteria were these: (a) polarized (b) really freaky dark. I drive into the Sun (well, toward the Sun anyway) both on my way into work and back home from work (it’s a gift).

It was a close call, but the cheap glasses won. As an added bonus, I also have the ugliest pair of sun glasses that you can buy (without a perscription).

Over on another site I was reading about how making your own butter is cheaper than buying butter. That might be the case, if you are buying fancy-schmancy butter that is made from golden milk, as I discovered.

I was excited at the initial proposal, though: A pound of butter (1 pound 3/4 ounces by weight) costs roughly $3, and a pint of cream (1 pound 1 3/4 ounces by weight) is $2. You can see how I was coming dangerously close to having to do math, but by my own estimations, if two-thirds of that cream weight was fat, it was an even draw.

Well, as it turns out – it wasn’t. When I was finished, only 7 1/2 ounces of that cream became butter. Somebody check my math:
8-ish ounces of homemade butter = $2
8 ounces of store butter = $1.50.

But at least I have some pictures to show for it. And some toned arms, since I churned it by hand. You can do it with a food processor or a blender, but I figured the small trade-off in exercise would slightly offset the calorie intake.

Ha! I almost typed that with a straight face.

See, I actually like making butter. I’ve made butter with preschoolers several times before, and the rule is: It will always take you twice as long as you think it will.

So, pour your cream into a jar that is big enough and put on a tight-sealing lid.

You shake /roll it until you can’t hear it slosh anymore. I guess at this point it’s whipped cream.

Then shake it (twice as long as you think you need to) until it starts sloshing again.

I couldn’t take any pictures after this one because my arms were so dead toned. Trust me, it is some delicious butter – you can eat it straight out of the jar.

Go ahead – it’s homemade. That means healthy.

I was looking for some stuff at school and came across the last bit of the stripey contact paper that I love so very much. I initially drooled over it at Target in 2007, put it up in my entryway in 2008, and shortly thereafter put some up at school.

Well, now it’s on my laptop making it all new-looking and incredibly snazzy. Seriously, I can’t stop petting it – which is a little disconcerting. I am saddened that no photograph does this striped wonder justice. Trust me, it’s simply heavenly.

I’m of course excited because it’s so pretty, but mostly because I’ve looked at laptop stickers before and thought they were cool, but wasteful. This way I’ve used up something that needed using, not making new trash! Oh, and it was free!! (Something you purchased 3 1/2 years ago counts as ‘free’ now.)

Love,
Lauren the Stripe-Loving Nut Job.

Well, Dollar Tree has fixed all of that. Dollar Tree is awesome because it’s one of those dollar stores where things actually cost one dollar.

“Ooo – I like that! It’s a dollar!”

“Hmmm…. this is mildly interesting. It’s a dollar!”

“Bleh, that’s a piece of junky plastic that is going straight into the ocean. It is also a dollar.”

They have rolls of wrapping paper for a buck each, and if you are like me and prefer the kraft-paper style, it’s the very best deal. They have fancy styles that are only 15 or 20 square feet per roll, but mine tops out at 25 square feet! And at the rate I use it up, it’ll last until retirement!

They are nothing special or expensive. I bought them at Wal*Mart a couple of years ago, but they are so dang warm! Last week I realized that I was wearing through one of the fingers, and that I’d need to repair it. “Great!” I told myself, “This is the first time you’re fixing a pair of gloves and that will be good enough for a post.”

Except….. as I took the ‘before’ picture, I realized this wasn’t the first time I’ve fixed a glove….

Goodbye, Long-Term Memory. I’ll miss you most of all.

I’ve had a scrap of it for a few years, and every so often I cut off a little to use for a tiny present or something, but this little bit is all that’s left. (If you ever find anymore, snatch it up and I’ll pay you double for.)

Now, a different situation: Ever since the bat bug episode, our bed has floated in the middle of the room in a sea of paranoia, and I can’t use my wall lamp. Instead, I’ve been using a bare bulb that has a switch on the cord so I can turn it off from bed when I’m done reading. I like this lazy arrangement, but Lloyd has repeatedly pointed out how horrible it looks. Ok, ok. How’s this?

Now we can all be happy. For now.

(Years and years ago, back when we still believed that dentists were real, Lloyd was told that he was grinding his teeth down to nubbins, and he’d better wear a mouth guard if he knew what was good for him. So, $80 and a few days later, he had a custom-tailored tooth jacket, that he never washed he scrubbed diligently every night, but eventually became so disgusting that he no longer cared if the alternative was living with nubbins, and stopped wearing it.)

Well, now he cares. We consulted Dr. Wal-Mart. In his pharmacy section they have nifty mouth guards that you can put in hot water and fit to your teeth. I reached out for the $20 item, but Lloyd stayed my hand – “Not here. No, not here.”

He took me back to the athletics half section of one aisle department, where the exact same item (though labeled differently) was TWO DOLLARS. TWO DOLLARS!!

We bought enough to last a year, and now we’ll never have to believe in dentists again!

I’ve been wanting to buy a used George Foreman-type grill just to try it out, but that seems like such a lot of work: Buy it, use it, take it back to same thrift store. I started to think….. couldn’t something else work in a similar fashion?

Sure! Two plates that get hot and cook stuff – this will be swell! I cut the steak in half so it would fit. This, I believe, was the first of several mistakes.

The second mistake was putting the half-steaks in the waffle iron, closing the lid, then having no idea how long to leave them in there. Googling ‘waffle iron steak’ did not help at all. I set a timer for two minutes after they had been in there a while. Oops.

Do you know what is vaguely disturbing? The smell of steak combined with chocolate waffles. I think there is some batter stuck in that thing.

Third mistake? Eating it. It was super-tough, but edible. Well, mostly edible. I’m leaving half of it out for the stray cat that’s been hanging around the past couple of days. (It won’t let me near it, and it probably still won’t after this.)

Lloyd’s was cooked in a more traditional fashion, but he said it was still kinda chewy because apparently I’m Incredibly Cheap And We Don’t Buy Good Steaks.

Hmmph.

Today, though, I wish I had come home an hour earlier when it was still about 70 degrees outside. As it was, I came home when the outside temperature was 67. Do you know what I can do now? I can open every single window in the house and let that relatively hot air in! In half an hour it got three degrees warmer in here! Woo-hoo!

No after-window-installation update yet. I was waiting for the sun to be out to take some decent photos. (The sun was out today, but I was sleepy.)

I’ve often thought that I should sing the praises of the little white stools we keep around here. I’m a big fan of multi-taskers, and these multi like crazy.

When Lloyd and I first moved to Maryland we needed more counter space in the kitchen so we bought this little island/seating thing that came with two white stools. At some point we bought a couple more, and dang if they ain’t handy. We’ve used them for extra seating, standing on to paint (in lieu of the ladder I can never find), I’ve turned them over to hang stuff on the rungs (I think I was drying socks), and most importantly – as little side tables that go whenever you need them.

So humble, so handy, so perfect for a last-minute post subject.

Lloyd had a homecoming game last Friday night so I was alone (yay!) in the house for hours and hours with nothing on the agenda but to nap and watch stuff on Hulu. Well, I forgot to nap, and Hulu can be watched from the kitchen, so I cleaned up a bit in there.

For as little as I cook, I can’t figure out how the area by the stove becomes so disgusting. The few times I wipe down the counter, there are always bits of salt, pepper and sugar in this area. (And splatters of tomato sauce, but – whatever.) I was thinking that maybe I should go buy something to corral this stuff so I would just have one thing to wipe out, or maybe prototype something – but wait! I bought some Fiestaware at a fundraiser long ago! Lo and behold:

Before:

After:

Woo-hoo! Granules, consider yourselves – contained.

If you’re going to hold your own anytime soon, allow me to present a few Lessons Learned from ours:

• Advertise under “garage sales” in the paper instead of “computers”. You’ll hit your target audience better.
• Do not go from 9:00am until 5:00pm. You’ll have as many customers in the first 10 minutes as the last 5 hours. 9:00am until noon really seems about right
• We’ve been advertising that everything will be half price in the afternoon. I don’t know if this is really effective. I think some people think (a) they will come back, but forget or (b) that maybe what you’re selling is only worth half as much as you’re selling it for.
• It took 64 man-hours to get ready for the sale, but students (and alumni) did most of this. They are motivated to do a good job because they get half of the profit.
• Do not sell anything at all to the annoying guy who tries to get you to lower the price on everything and get a discount for buying a lot of items. If your prices are right, someone else will buy them.
• If you have too much to sell, stack them behind the tables and bring them out as things sell. Note: there will not actually be time to do this.
• Remember to order lunch.
• Write down (preferably in a sort of treasure map) where you’ve stashed things during the year.
• Price things to move. The very worst outcome is to have to store things for another year.

The event was deemed a success. We grossed something like $1,500.00, and everything went pretty smoothly. We couldn’t lock the doors this time, because NHS was doing something or other, so we had some early birds wandering in, but that seemed to work out okay.

*Used here in more of a sort of hopeful sense, rather than a strictly chronological one.

Lloyd: “I’ll need to get another one, unless you want to refill this one.”

Then he chuckled, like it was funny. Then he got quiet, and looked at me fearfully.

Lloyd: “You’re going to do it, aren’t you?”

Of course I was going to do it, and I did it.

Let’s all get past the ‘mama bird barfing into the mouth of the baby bird’ imagery that this conjures up, and congratulate me on getting .85 ounces into that little tube without squirting 2.3 ounces all over our hideously pink countertop. It was surprisingly easy, and while I might try it once again, I think that after two refills the integrity of the smaller tube might suffer and burst along one of the sides. Only time will tell.

Anyway, tonight I found a way to make it even more healthy! You’ll need the concentrate, a frozen strawberry and a stick blender – preferably one that is permanently stained from making curry.

Drop the berry.

Soften it up with a bit o’ lemonade..

Get ready for some whirlin’.

Whirl away!

Re-constitute and enjoy.

Take that, Red Robin. I have your delicious lemonade right here!

(I really just left these directions so Lloyd would know how to make his own glass.)

It’s a win-win all around:
1. It’s cheaper this way.
2. I’m not buying more plastic. (I’ve used the same bottle over & over for almost a year.)
3. I can tweak the recipe. (Add a splash of balsamic vinegar, and use olive oil for half the oil. Don’t try to use ALL olive oil, or it will solidify into a brick when you refrigerate it. Trust me on that one. You shake and shake the bottle but it only separates into fatty globs that melt slightly on your salad and are rather nasty to eat. Hey, haven’t I broken some serious parenthetical rules?).

I’m sure there are good recipes out there for homemade dressings, but I bet you can’t drink them.