I bought some impatiens last weekend, because it is the only thing I ever plant – in honor of my mother. Well, that and it’s the only plant I can reliably identify. I actually went to buy some a month or so ago, but Wal*Mart didn’t have any. I wasn’t exactly sure, though. I stood looking at some other kinds of flowers trying to convince myself that they weren’t impatiens. “Maybe they’ve changed. Who’s to say?”

Anyway, these flowers have been sitting on my counter in a pan of water (see, I can nurture) for about a week, so I decided it was time to plant them.

In a rainstorm.

With a spoon since I don’t know if we own a trowel.

Here are the ‘before’ pots. Please note that the rain just misses them, and that does not speak well to their survival if I forget to water them.

The pots aren’t actually full of potting soil – it’s a little bit of potting soil and then all the past carcasses of previously planted impatiens. I was shocked at how dry the ‘soil’ was. I thought I should water it, but wanted something that held more than a Big Gulp cup – my watering container of choice. I went with a plastic cereal container that had some generic Frosted Mini Wheats dust in it, or as I called it, “pre-compost”.

That soil was DRY. Each pot took three cereal boxes of water and each time I’d stir it, it would still be dusty.

Anyway, dig dig, throw throw, but no ‘pack pack’ because by this time I was getting cold, wet and bored.

Good enough.

Those plants will just have to be happy that I’m not taking care of them, because we all saw how that went for the robins.

It was completely bare for the first two feet, then leaves started. Brad thought it looked cool, so we left it. Lately it’s just been an ever expanding bush, and needed to be trimmed back or dug up or something. But during this winter the old chiminea fell on it.

I thought that was a good look, so I decided to go with a new “ancient ruins” theme.

If you’ve had anything to do with Holly, you know how painful this was for both me and the plant.

But eventually I got the whole thing wired up just about right. In a few years this will look really cool or really dead. I think I’m okay with either outcome.

Have you noticed that as you get older, your event horizon gets longer? “This ought to look nice in half a decade” is not a thought that Lloyd of the past would have had.

Today was weird. The forecast said it was going to be hot, but that was difficult to believe as the day started out cold and extremely foggy. As I was going upstairs to take a shower I was surprised to see a large bird in the tree. It was a duck!

I took a hundred photos of it, wishing I could go outside to get a better view, then I remembered that our windows actually open. That is right handy. In fact, there were two ducks!

That was a nice way to start the day. I highly recommend watching ducks for a little bit in the morning.

Eventually it warmed up and Lloyd headed outside to mow up the leaves. I tagged along to document the process, and perhaps even help. Brad, this is for you – the Yard in April! (It’s the first video I’ve ever taken with my new camera and for some reason I sound like a robot. I’m going to guess that it’s because it has a stereo microphone. Oh, and it was really, really windy.)

So, after filming the crummy yard, we worked to make it better. It was hot work, since it got up in the mid-80′s! That was the crazy part. It reaffirmed my dislike of hot weather.

Leaves were raked out and mulched, some dead foliage was cut back, and I found a hollow tomato from ConBloGar!

Oh, and Lloyd found 20 bucks in the yard! Beth and Harold, are you missing some money?

I’ve talked about commercial cleaning before, and a few years ago I was all crazed for FlyLady.com (the ideas, not actually following the schedule), and of course watching Hoarders every so often has kept the house fairly non-disgusting, but when it comes down to it, I’m a slob. There are things around here that would make Clean People faint. It’s not that I care – we don’t have people over – but I do think about cleaning occasionally.

So here’s what it is: A weekly list of things to cross off, because I love crossing things off! I went ahead and put stuff on that we do every week anyway – like grocery shopping and the laundry – because of the automatic crossing-off satisfaction. The beauty of it is, if we don’t get to something this week, no big whoop – I haven’t dusted some rooms since I was in my thirties, so what’s another week going to hurt? (This is borrowed from Beth’s genius idea of shaving your legs every day. Swipe, swipe – miss a few spots? Big deal, you’ll get ‘em tomorrow.)

I have also given myself permission to do a bad job on the new chores. For instance, I swept my bathroom tonight. I didn’t even do a good job, because you know why? I never sweep my bathroom, and as of now it looks 100% better than it has in months! I might even sweep in a corner next week!

He’s laughing because we have this house, which is a controlled environment that is different from the outside, and within that is a room, which is a controlled environment different from the house….. but just like the outside.

I should just go buy a tent.

Finish each day and be done with it. Tomorrow is a new day, begin it well.

It battled bravely, but ended up like all quotes do, with letters strewn bloody on the carpet.

But the quote had the last laugh. It turns out that the actual quote is more like this:

Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.

Unfortunately, the stairwell is very small in one little area. When Lloyd and I bought a queen-sized set, we had to order a split box spring because there was no way to get a regular queen box spring upstairs. When the delivery guys brought the mattress, they had to fold it like a taco to get it through the stairwell. (That was impressive, I tell you.)

Well, Lloyd and I aren’t nearly that strong, but we’re pretty stubborn. We squished and smooshed the new matress step by step through the opening, and I rigged up the Forearm Forklifts to be one long strap, looped it around the mattress and pulled from above like I was trying to stop a team of wild stallions, while Lloyd pushed from below.

We almost had it at the top, and with one more mighty heave – I put my behind through the window at the top of the stairs.

No damage was done to me, but I guess we’ll be getting new windows sooner than I thought.

Case in point: Beth had an UppercaseLiving party a couple of weeks ago where you can order vinyl words for your walls, and while I love having words all over, I was having trouble figuring out what to get and what it should say. You could order standardized, heart-warming phrases or make up your own. Lloyd and I had some good chuckles coming up with our own, but Lloyd’s won out.

It’s true, isn’t it? So, so true. *sniff*

It’s really quite amazing how one can get completely used to walking by an out-of-context stove everyday and eventually not even see it.

I was excited for this day because 1) I backed the truck up to the steps and didn’t damage anything and 2) we got to use the Forearm Forklifts to load up the stove! (They make me feel so strong.) We also got rid of the giant broken t.v.

The recycling/disposal place was swarming with strong young lads and lasses who just picked up all these heavy things effortlessly and tossed them about. No Forearm Forklifts for them. Yeesh.

Goodbye, stuff. I’m sorry you got broken, and I hope you have fun in China.

Sidebar: I have the hiccups and it’s driving me nuts.

Ok, back to the rug story. Our old rug, which I move whenever I feel like it, has the distinction of being from a yard sale back in ’97 when we moved into this house. (It cost all of five bucks.) This rug, though – this rug is not a five-dollar rug. It is beautiful. My camera is crummy so it’s hard to tell, but it has all the same colors of our living room furniture (reds, blues, greens) but in very different hues.

In short, it does not go.

Lloyd surprised me by saying, “I like this rug so much I think we should have stuff that goes with it.”

Hmmmm….. anyone know a reputable re-upholsterer?

(I still have the hiccups.)

This was supposed to be an easy post to write.

I was going to tell the amusing story about how one of my errands in Lincoln this evening was to buy some replacement toilet levers. The children flush the toilets a hundred million times a day at the center, and we go through toilet levers like toothpicks. I usually get replacements from Wal*Mart, but after tossing a few, I decided that industrial strength levers would be a wiser choice. Off to Menards I went!

I scanned their large selection, and surprisingly, they didn’t look much sturdier than what I was using. Then I saw these:

Push button. Hmmmm. They’re probably for fancy folks with their uppity toilets. I looked closer. Out loud I said, “What? This is a replacement?”

“Can I help you?” said Really, Really Young Menard’s Assistant.

“This replaces those?” I asked incredulously, gesturing at the now-worthless old-style levers.

“I guess,” said RRYMA, who really should have told his mother that he had a job at Menard’s. She’s probably worried sick.

“I’ll take them all!” And I did.

Push-button. Sheer genius! No preschooler can break off a push-button! Well, not without really, really trying. I bought enough for school and one for home. I figured I could work out the kinks of installing it here.

That’s where the story breaks down.

First of all, it needs a teeny-tiny Allen wrench and they don’t include one. That resulted in a 20-minute search of the disaster area workbench. I couldn’t find it, and asked Lloyd to come and help look.

“Where did you put it?” he asked, knowing the answer.

“Down. That’s where I always put stuff.”

No Allen wrench, but a doodad on his pocketknife worked out. However, the arm on this thing is too short and it bends the wrong way, so when I push the button, the flap comes up a little and then goes right back down. I’ve tried bending the arm somewhat, but that seems stupid. Am I supposed to hold the button in for a while to flush it? I give up for tonight.

Some fancy folks better give me uppity toilet advice or I’m going to burn my toilet.

See, years ago – before we had a website – I devalued our house by taking a bottle (with a squeeze tip) of glow-in-the-dark stuff and dabbing hundreds (because that’s the key – hundreds) of tiny dots on the ceiling in our bedroom, Brad’s room, and Lloyd’s closet. They are invisible when the lights are on, but when the lights go out: Zowie!

At least, I guess it’s ‘zowie’. I’m blind as a bat and always have my glasses off before I turn out my light, so I just see some dim glowing.

Lloyd assures me that we are floating in space, though.

Well, we happened to be in Sears, and just walking around looking at control pads narrowed it down to two stoves, and the crazy high price on half the choices narrowed it down to one, and that one was on sale. Sold! (But not picked up or delivered, because they only deliver to Seward on Fridays and we have jobs.)

So, many weeks went by and today we finally got the stove. Woo-hoo! Well, not really ‘woo-hoo’. See, while it’s nice to have a stove, it was something we needed, and $700 spent on something you need is not nearly as much fun as spending $20 on something less necessary, like….. say….. Forearm Forklifts!!

I told Lloyd that if we bought them, we could get the stove inside by ourselves. (Harold is always most gracious about coming over to help move appliances, but fortunately, Lloyd wasn’t thinking about that.)

Looking at the video I linked to, now I realize that we actually had the straps wrong. Whatever. It’s a testament to how well they work that we got the job done.

Lloyd got it all hooked up & running, and I turned it on for a while to burn off the ‘new’ smell, and I’m sure when I make my first mess meal, I’ll let you all know how it goes.

That led, or so I’m told, to needing some new furniture in the living room to house said purchases. Fortunately, this was accomplished with some re-purposing rather than purchasing. Unfortunately, the bookshelf didn’t have holes for cables, so we just put the cable box and DVD player on the floor under the shelf. This worked, but we had to aim the remote over the trunk, and that became annoying quickly.

Lauren had an extra shelf in the basement (I know, don’t ask me) and rather than drill holes for supports we managed to find some of those yellow cylindrical blocks to hold one shelf above the other. I took a Dremel to the back on the bookcase. It was literally like cutting through cardboard; mostly because it was literally cutting through cardboard. Nothing but the best for us.

I remember telling someone five or six years ago that I never wanted to be the kind of person who spends $2,500.00 on a television. It turns out that I don’t mind being the kind of person who spends $550.00 on a television. That’s probably about what we spent on our last one 15 years ago. Hmmm, we might have spent less on this one after adjusting for inflation (which I like to do in my spare time).

Anyway, he decided this weekend was the time to fix it, and bought some stuff at Home Depot to devalue the house install a new outlet.

I helped by taking pictures, and by making sure he didn’t electrocute himself. That was hard to do when I was napping.

The project was derailed by several hours because the original outlet he wanted to steal power from is on the same circuit as our microwave, which likes to freak out and trip the breaker every so often. Lloyd’s second choice was an outlet in the basement, and just as he was about to commence electic’n, I reminded him that that particular outlet was connected to the light switch to the basement.

We decided to just chance it with the microwave.

Holes were cut, cord was run, outlet was attached, blah, blah, blah. I got to be in charge of the hole saw, which – let’s face it – is the best part.

I think it turned out splendidly, despite the things that I did wrong. (Look at the bottom right of the outlet in the top photo. See that big chunk of missing cabinet? That’s my fault.)

Way to go, Lloyd. I guess you are an electrician by birthright.

Lloyd took care of them this time, mowing slowly to really mulch them up – then he mowed over everything else. Disregarding rocks, sticks or stepping stones, now the hostas are gone, as well as the peonies and seedums. Oh, and we’re going to need a new mower blade.

Along those lines, we can’t imagine why people rake. Mowing is so much easier, and (presumably) better for your yard since the little bits break down and enrich the soil. Plus – no sweating, no blisters, no bagging. With a self-propelled mower, the only way it could be easier would be if you could sleepwalk while doing it.

So, pick your side: Mower or raker?

The good people at Lemi Shine have a monthly testimonial contest, and I’ve read many of the winning entries – they sing the praises of this miracle powder for the hard-water inflicted that makes their spotted glassware sparkle, cleans the spots off the inside of their dishwasher, and makes it smell lemon-y fresh.

Pffffff. Those people don’t have real hard water problems.

Here’s a real problem – a couple of weeks ago I looked into the bottom of one of the dishwashers at work and the heating element had so much build-up on it, it looked like a piece of coral. Horrified, I checked the other dishwasher – same problem. (This discovery led to the realization that our water softener has been unplugged for several months, and our super-hard water has been baking onto the heating elements.)

Holy. Crud. I didn’t take a ‘before’ picture, this is a ‘during’, but you can see the strata.

I tried soaking some washcloths in vinegar and wrapping them around the elements overnight, but it didn’t help. A little internet search said that vinegar was too weak of an acid – you need citric acid. I scoured the kitchen for lemonade drink mix, but we didn’t have any. So, out to Wal-Mart to see what they had.

They had Lemi Shine.

I filled the bottoms of both dishwashers with enough hot water to cover the elements, poured in a bunch of Lemi Shine, and let it sit for a couple of hours. I came back and was able to chip off a fair amount of crud. After that, though, the voice of my old boss from Dairy King, Bonsall Huffington, came back to me – “Let the water do the work”. I’ve been letting the solution sit overnight and am able to gently scrape it off with a jam spreader, and I’m almost down to the elements.

Thank you, Lemi Shine. You saved us the cost of two heating elements, if not two new dishwashers.

I’ve been doing some internet searches for cheap-o winter ideas, and there are several folks out there who say that bubble wrap can significantly increase the R-value of old windows. (‘R’ stands for ‘Ridiculous’, in this case.)

So, I tried a test bit on the lower half of one of our bathroom windows this weekend. I’m not sure about it’s R-value, but it did keep shower steam from condensing on the cold pane and dripping down to the sill. Last year we had an embarrassing mildew problem due to the sheets curtains I hung up. Water would condense, freeze, then drip slowly and wreck the wood. (*sigh* I’d better get rid of this website if we ever decide to sell this house.) I’ve tried running a little fan so far this fall, but it can’t keep up with the moisture.

So I put bubble wrap on the rest of the bathroom windows tonight. Until we can get new windows, this is definitely worth the experiment!

So, a little shuffle-shuffle sweep-sweep later, our living room looks different! I never retrieved my camera from school, though, so you have to suffer through taken-from-across-the-room-with-the-webcam photos.

Before:

The first shuffle-shuffle:

Note the ‘table’ that was behind the sofa. It’s an ironing board and that blue bedsheet is impregnated with years and years of dust. This is also when the majority of ‘sweep-sweep’ happened, along with some ‘GAH! What-the-heck-is-THAT?’ discoveries.

Lloyd helped get the plants out of the entryway and spruced ‘em up.

So, there you have it – plants moved to a south-facing window. And what was on the t.v. while I worked? That’s right – Bridezillas. That show is magic for getting things done around here.